CLOSING THE GAP BETWEEN WHERE YOU ARE AND WHERE YOU WANT TO BE

Have you ever wondered why some people seem to get through life pretty easily, while others are always struggling to get even the most basic things done?

For some people, having a job they like, a good relationship, or a joyful lifestyle is just part of life.

In the same way, you are confident that the Sun will show up in the sky tomorrow, some people are confident that their basic needs will be easily met.

You might find yourself wondering if it is that easy for some people, why is it so difficult for others?

The answer is: YOU EXPECT WHAT YOU WERE GIVEN.

In other words, if you grew up with no financial concerns and your parents were never worried about money, you are likely to expect money to be something that is fairly easy to get.

If you felt loved growing up, you not only want a loving and caring partner, but you also EXPECT that person to be loving and caring. On its own, that carries a huge difference in your behaviour and standards that will make you more or less likely to have the relationships you want.

It doesn’t really matter what you want if what you want does’t equal what you expect to achieve.

WHY?

You will get what you expect because on a subconscious level you are working towards what you expect and not towards what you want.

Think about the famous ‘plan B' that people have ‘just in case’ their plan A doesn’t work out as planned, and you will get a clear picture of what I am talking about.

Simply put, plan A is what they want. Plan B is what they expect to have, what they believe to be possible for them. And it will likely be what they will settle for.

“There is only one way to get what you want and that is that what you want MUST equal what you expect.”

For some people what they want and what they expect to have is a perfect match, while for others not as much. This gap must disappear.

The best way forward is to be in alignment with what you want. To do that, you must change the beliefs that led you to expect something you didn’t want in the first place.

What are limiting beliefs?

Even though the concept of limiting beliefs is now considered common knowledge, many people still do not understand how they are created in the subconscious mind and why they are so powerful.

“Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t–you’re right.”

The above line written by Henry Ford could not be closer to the truth and it has nothing to do with the “Law of Attraction” either.

I do believe it plays its part here; however, the main reason behind it is much less mystical and a lot more psychological.

Our minds are programmed to see things in a certain way. When you were born you learnt everything about the world in which you lived, primarily by your childhood experiences. Most researchers agree that by age 6, a person’s belief system is fairly well-formed. This means that by such an early age, you have already got a very steady belief about yourself and your environment.

Your view of yourself and others was already formed by this time, yet you could not distinguish the veracity of the information that was coming your way. Although it would develop and change over time, you had already formed a mental map of the world around you.

Basically, if you had your emotional needs met on a consistent basis, you would grow up feeling confident, with good self-esteem and believing that most people will treat you fairly and would be responsive towards your needs. In response to that, you will also treat others as you expect them to treat you. And you will be available, open, caring, and authentic.

On the other hand, if you were raised in a less than welcoming environment, you would perceive the world around you through a very different lens and would interpret people’s behaviour and actions in a completely different way.

How will my view of the world alter my relationship with others?

If you have distorted beliefs about yourself and others, you are likely behaving and treating others in a different way than you would if you saw the world, others, and yourself in a positive way.

For example, if you believe others are untrustworthy and have their own agendas, you might become withdrawn, suspicious, and reserved.

If you believe people are okay but you doubt your own worth and lovability, you are likely to be more clingy, self-conscious, and anxious.

Both behavioural patterns will end up pushing people away, reaffirming and deepening your already-formed belief that something is wrong with you or that they are not to be trusted. You will believe that that’s the reason you didn’t get the same level of attention that some people had when growing up.

What happens with authenticity and your self-esteem in this scenario?

If you feel loved, cared for, and important to your parents, you grow up believing your needs and wants are important and valid. You are more likely to develop yourself and pursue your own goals. This allows you to live an authentic life that will build your self-esteem and make you feel confident about yourself.

If you didn’t feel loved, that means that your parents or caretakers in one way or another sent you the message that your feelings were unimportant or wrong. You would have felt that who you were was not good enough and you “had to change” in order to get any approval from them.

Instead of working towards your goals and developing yourself, you were working towards pleasing them to get the approval you needed to feel safe and loved. And because you didn’t consider your own needs but the needs of others around you, you grew up feeling unimportant, unworthy and inferior.

It’s highly important to stress that even though some parents and caretakers are abusive, it isn't always with the intention of being hurtful. In fact, sometimes they even have the best interests of their children at heart, but they were acting out of their own distorted beliefs about life. They were likely raised in the same way and believe that was the correct way to raise a child.

No doubt they had their own emotional wounds. They might have had limiting beliefs such as “You should not show emotions,” or “Crying will make you weak” and so on.

So the main objective here isn’t pointing fingers but on the contrary, it is to bring the power back to you.

If someone has taught you something wrong, the best approach is to find a better answer. It is essential to create your own life based on beliefs that are healthy and good for you.

And most importantly, beliefs that are in alignment with who you really are and what you want.

The world can be a wonderful place. People can be loving and amazing. You can fulfil your dreams, have a great life, great relationships, a job you love, and be happy!

Yes, you can be happy. But you need to allow yourself to be. You need to free yourself from all the limiting and completely UNTRUE beliefs that have been keeping you stuck in a self-destructive loop.

A belief is a story you keep telling yourself. And over time, it becomes true. You have to stop telling yourself stories you don’t want to be true and start telling the ones you do want. That’s the only way you will be free to create the life you want.